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Overcoming the need to be in control
from:Some of us have problems when it comes to being in control, we simply have the urge to control all aspects of life for those around us and this can lead to many problems. There are many negative effects that come with the compulsive need to fix everyone’s problems and they can have a severe effect on your life in general. So what is the need to be in control or to fix? In addition, what are the negative effects? And how can you help yourself to give up the need to be in control?
You could be said to have issues of needing to be in control if any of the following apply to you or someone you know.
You compulsively go to someone’s rescue, regardless of whether they ask for your help or not, just because you believe it is the way the task or situation should be dealt with.
The feeling that other people are in need becomes an automatic response to you.
You strongly believe that things have to be perfect or just right for people; otherwise, they cannot possibly be happy in life.
You feel you have to change people because you cannot accept them as they are
You strongly believe that you know what is best for others and try your best to make them see things your way.
You accept personal responsibility for the actions of others.
You cannot help but give advice to others or offer your help to them.
People see you as interfering in their lives.
You have a strong need to feel wanted or needed which leads to you becoming overly involved in the business of others.
Things don’t feel right if you are not helping others or fixing their problems.
The most common negative effects that compulsive behaviour such as this can have on a person includes
You develop relationships where people become overly dependant on you
You cannot remain emotionally uninvolved if you come across someone you see as needing your help.
You lose friendships due to you needing to be in control over their lives.
You begin to neglect your own needs in favour of dealing with others around you.
You are ridden with guilt if things don’t improve for a person.
You might become angry with those you have helped if they don’t show enough recognition for what you have done.
You develop low self-esteem through losing yourself with others.
Ways which you can develop to overcome the need to be in control are
Have the belief that others have the ability to fix their own problems.
Set up a boundary between those you think need your help.
Don’t get hooked on needing recognition from others.
Accept that the only person you should control is yourself.
Tell people to confront you if you try to give them unwanted help or advice.
Realize that people have the ability to change themselves if they should want to.
Only offer help to those who clearly ask for it.
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