There’s nothing better than a pat on the back – being told you’re great or that was a job well done. It makes you feel better about yourself. But you should feel good about yourself anyway.

As it turns out, we’ve all been reared on a highly addictive drug – the drug of approval. We need to feel that we’re “in”, that people like and notice us. We waste precious energy wondering what others think of us – but we shouldn’t waste our time – most people don’t think about us at all, they’re too busy wondering what others think of them. From our childhood, when we stood up to do our party-piece or when we won the three-legged race, we’ve been taught that recognition and approval are great. And they are – it’s just that the normal person craves them.

However, your self esteem needs to come from within – that’s kind of what the word “self” means. You should approve of yourself and understand that, in reality, you’re worth it. You may, like all of us, have perceived shortcomings and inadequacies – but that’s all they are, perceptions. We learned these perceptions at the same time that we learned our need for approval – when we were young and impressionable. Nowadays, as adults, the approval of others papers over the cracks of our own perceived inadequacy.

I once asked a very close friend who, quite literally, hated the very sight of himself in the mirror “Do you think that the God you believe in would create something imperfect?” He answered a very definite “Yes” – hardly surprising when you consider that standard religious teaching tells us that we are in need of redemption.

Let’s take a look at the psychological facst. Perhaps we were with blue eyes and a certain skin tone – but we weren’t born with a personality – we learned it. It was foisted upon us (often with the best will in the world) when our minds were sponge-like. And now, in later life, we take what’s lodged in our subconscious as given, the Gospel truth, firmly held beliefs. That’s why we need the approval of others – as I said, it makes us feel better.

Time to get over yourself, kick the habit! Reacquaint yourself with the real you within – that inner power that we all have to be great, to be wonderful, to be all that we can be. Don’t let what’s going on externally give you either a high or a low – your state of mind is the only thing in your life that you can absolutely control – take control with all your energy.

And how might you do that? You need to stop the noise in your head – the internal noise that’s telling you that you’re inadequate and the external approval or disapproval of people, most of whom don’t give a damn about you. You need to train yourself to pay attention to the reality of the here and now. In fact, you’re going to have to come to your senses – you have five of them, use them.

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