In Part one of this series of articles, I outlined substance and method addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

1. I will’t handle my pain.
2. I’m unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I will have management over how others feel concerning me and treat me.

Part two was concerning the first of these beliefs – learning how to handle pain. This text addresses the second and third beliefs – “I am unworthy and unlovable” and “Others are my supply of love.”

As little children, most of us set that it absolutely was our fault when we didn’t get the love we tend to needed. We have a tendency to decided that there must be something primarily and intrinsically wrong with us that caused our folks or other caregivers to not love us or to abuse us. Since we were too little to offer ourselves the love and a focus we tend to needed, we have a tendency to were naturally dependent upon others for our survival. Deciding it absolutely was our fault that we were not being loved gave us the feeling of control: we might amendment ourselves and become the “right” manner in order to induce the love we tend to needed. We tend to place aside our wonderful essence and developed our ego/wounded self to try to possess management over getting love and avoiding pain. We went about trying to induce the love we required from others.

The problem is we tend to became dependent on trying to get love from others and never learned that we have a tendency to can, as adults, access love directly from our Source.

Are you operating from the false belief that you can’t do this for yourself – that you’ll be able to’t access the love you wish directly from your Source? Do you suspect that you’re somehow defective and that the Supply of love that is God will not come to fill you with love, peace and joy? Do you think that you simply were born flawed and are thus undeserving of receiving love from your Source? If you are operating from any of these false beliefs, then it’s doubtless that you are still wanting outside yourself for a dependable supply of love.

If you may see love, you would see that we have a tendency to live in a universe of love – that it’s all around you also inside you. Your feeling self – your inner child – desires that love to survive and thrive. It is everywhere, nevertheless your Child might be starving for love.

When you don’t grasp the way to access the love that is always available to you, and you suspect that it won’t be there for you anyway as a result of you don’t deserve it, it is likely that you may flip to outside sources. You might use food as a substitute for love, or alcohol or drugs. You may use things – toys, garments, objects – as substitutes for love. Or, you would possibly suppose that another person needs to be your dependable source of love – that you wish sex or attention or approval to fill the empty place inside that wants love. You would possibly sense that love exists among that other person, and you might believe that she has additional ability to access love and produce it to you than you have. Several of the folks I work with tell me that they can’t love themselves along with somebody else can, thus they keep making an attempt to induce someone else to take responsibility for their feelings and needs. They keep trying at hand over their inner kid to somebody else, thus creating inner abandonment.

The inner abandonment that comes from using substances, things, activities or people as your source of affection is the $64000 supply of your pain. As long as you are creating one thing or somebody outside yourself your dependable supply of affection, you’ll be creating – through your self-abandonment – the terribly pain you are attempting therefore arduous to avoid.

As kids, our parents were alleged to bring us love from our Source. As adults, we have a tendency to are speculated to be doing this for ourselves. However when our parents didn’t show us how to try to to it for ourselves as a result of they were not doing it for themselves or for us, we have a tendency to never learned how access our true Supply of love. Without this access, you will stay stuck in your addictions, attempting to fill the inner emptiness that can solely be filled with love from your Source.

In the next section of this series, I will explore the ways in which you would possibly be attempting to induce others to fill you – coming back from the false belief, “I can have management over how others feel about me and treat me,” and in the ultimate section, I will show you how to access love from your Source.

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